The ForMi Way
Supporting Children with Strengths-Based Goals, PACE, and a Strong Support Network
Parenting a child with additional needs is a journey filled with love, challenges, and resilience. But often, the traditional systems around us focus on what our children struggle with rather than what they excel at. The ForMi Way offers a different approach—one that empowers families by focusing on strengths, meaningful goal-setting, and creating a Circle of Support.
1. Person-Centred Goals: Moving Beyond Deficits
Too often, goal-setting for children with additional needs is framed around fixing problems rather than helping them grow. The ForMi Way flips this approach by asking:
What are their strengths?
What matters TO them (not just what’s important FOR them)?
What do they want to achieve?
By shifting the focus from deficits to possibilities, we help children set goals that motivate them. For example, instead of saying, “We need to improve their attention in class,” we reframe it as, “How can we help them engage in learning in a way that excites them?”
Practical Tip: When setting goals with your child, use the ForMi method: Start by identifying their vision for the future, then define clear, achievable steps to get there. Goals should always be in their own words and reflect what they want to work towards.
2. Using PACE in Everyday Parenting
Developed as part of therapeutic parenting, PACE (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy) helps us connect with children who experience heightened emotions and difficulties regulating their reactions.
Playfulness – Helps reduce tension and creates moments of joy.
Acceptance – Validates their emotions without judgment.
Curiosity – Encourages understanding rather than assumptions.
Empathy – Strengthens trust and emotional security.
Example in Action: If a child lashes out in frustration, instead of reacting with discipline alone, a PACE-based approach would look like:
Playfulness: “Wow, that was a BIG reaction! Let’s take a deep breath together.”
Acceptance: “I see you’re really upset right now, and that’s okay.”
Curiosity: “Can you help me understand what’s going on in your mind?”
Empathy: “I get why that made you feel frustrated. Let’s figure it out together.”
Over time, this approach builds emotional resilience and strengthens communication between you and your child.
3. Building a Support Network: Bringing People Onto the Same Page
No parent can do this alone. A strong Circle of Support includes both those who already understand your child and those who need to be brought onto the same page.
Identify Allies: Find teachers, friends, and family members who truly understand and support your child’s needs.
Share Your Family’s Definition of Success: Help others see what a good day looks like for your child and what is important to them, not just for them.
Educate Others: Many people, including professionals, focus only on what a child should be doing. Helping them see your child’s strengths and motivations can change the way they interact and support them.
Practical Tip: Use regular check-ins with your Circle of Support to ensure consistency. Share updates about what’s working well and where your child needs additional support.
Final Thoughts: The ForMi Way as a Roadmap for Growth
The ForMi Way isn’t just a method—it’s a mindset shift. By focusing on person-centred goals, using PACE to foster connection, and creating a strong support network, we empower our children to thrive on their terms.
If you’re navigating this journey, remember: you are the expert on your child. Trust your instincts, celebrate progress (no matter how small), and surround yourself with people who uplift both you and your child.
Interested in using the ForMi approach with your family? Let’s start a conversation—because no one should have to navigate this path alone.
