Parenting through Judgment

Building Resilience and Overcoming Blocked Care

Parenting a child with complex needs isn’t just about navigating their world—it’s about surviving in a world that often doesn’t understand them. It’s exhausting, deeply rewarding, isolating, and overwhelming, sometimes all at once.

For a long time, I found myself caught in the emotional weight of judgment. Strangers’ disapproving looks, teachers’ well-meaning but misguided advice, even the quiet but sharp disappointment from family and friends who just didn’t get it. I wasn’t just carrying my child’s struggles—I was carrying everyone else’s opinions about them too. And it was breaking me.

The Emotional Toll and Blocked Care

There’s a term in therapeutic parenting called blocked care—it happens when parents become emotionally burned out from the constant stress of meeting their child’s needs. It’s not that we stop loving them, but we can become so emotionally drained that our ability to feel connected and present diminishes. The cycle of trying, failing, being judged, and trying again takes its toll.

I’ve been there. And I still find myself fighting against it sometimes. Because when you pour everything into a child who struggles to meet expectations, and the world only sees the challenges—not the effort, the love, or the small wins—it’s hard not to feel depleted.

Learning to Build a Thick Skin

One of the most important skills I’ve had to learn is resilience—not just for my child, but for myself. If you’re emotionally susceptible to the judgment of others (which I am), parenting a child who is different can feel even more challenging. But over the years, I’ve found ways to protect my energy and shift my focus. Here are my top lessons:

1. Make Your Expectations Family-Centred

A “good day” might not look like what you originally imagined family life to be. And that’s okay. Your definition of success and happiness should be based on what works for your family, not what society tells you it should be. Learn to celebrate what good looks like for you.

2. Listen to Your Heart

It’s always valuable to listen to professionals, teachers, and specialists—they have knowledge and insights that can help. But they don’t walk in your shoes. No one understands your child like you do. You are the expert in their life, and your instincts as a parent are just as valuable as any professional opinion.

3. Don’t Devalue Your Skills as a Parent

So many of us are made to feel that we’re just “coping,” not thriving. But parenting a child with additional needs requires patience, advocacy, problem-solving, and an ability to adapt constantly. These are skills. And they have value. Don’t let anyone (including yourself) minimise them.

4. Look After You

Easier said than done, right? I don’t get respite provision, and no one in my circle can support with regular childcare. But I’ve learned that looking after myself doesn’t have to be big—it can be five minutes of quiet with a cup of tea, a short walk, or even just allowing myself to breathe when things feel overwhelming. Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity.

Moving Forward with Compassion—for Yourself

I’m much further along this journey than I used to be. I don’t carry the weight of others’ judgment as much anymore, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t still affect me. What’s changed is my perspective—I’ve learned that I don’t need the world’s approval. My child doesn’t need it either. What we need is understanding, connection, and the freedom to celebrate our own version of success.

If you’re on this journey too, know that you’re not alone. The world may not always see the strength it takes to parent a child with complex needs, but I do. And I hope that, in time, you’ll see it in yourself too.

At Well Nuts - Parents, we are creating a supportive and inclusive space for parents facing unique challenges—whether you're parenting a child with additional needs, disabilities, or navigating mental health struggles. Our goal is to offer a positive environment where you can connect with others, share experiences, and find inspiration and encouragement.

If you are someone who thrives on criticism or judgment, this space is not for you. We invite those who are here to support, uplift, and share kindness to join us. Please respect this space and move on if you're not aligned with these values