Beyond the Benchmarks
A Strengths-Based Approach to Supporting Children with additional Needs
Parenting a child especially one with additional needs is a journey of contradictions. It’s joyful and heartbreaking, exhausting and uplifting. There are moments of incredible progress, followed by setbacks that shake your confidence. I know this because I live it every day.
I have a son who is full of life, energy, and an untamed spirit. He’s kind-hearted, brilliant in ways that defy conventional measures, and, as some might say, a handful. He lives life at full volume, his emotions magnified in ways that make every success feel monumental and every struggle deeply intense.
For years, I watched as M tried to fit into a world that wasn’t built with his unique needs in mind. Teachers, therapists, and well-meaning professionals often focused on what he couldn’t do—what he needed to fix to conform. Meanwhile, the weight of unmet expectations took a toll on him. He started calling himself “stupid,” an “idiot.” The constant reminders of his struggles overshadowed his incredible strengths.
Shifting the Focus: A Person-Centred Approach
At some point, I realised we needed a different approach—one that celebrated his progress rather than just measured him against standard benchmarks that never truly fit him. I wanted him to see his growth, feel supported by a team that understood him, and, most importantly, help him take ownership of his own journey.
Research supports this shift in perspective. Person-centred goal-setting—where the child is actively involved in defining what success looks like—has been shown to improve motivation, confidence, and overall well-being. When we allow children to focus on their priorities rather than those imposed on them, they gain a sense of autonomy and purpose.
One of the most powerful tools in this approach is PACE (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy)—a framework developed in therapeutic parenting. By using curiosity instead of judgment, acceptance instead of correction, and empathy instead of frustration, we create a space where children feel safe to express themselves and develop emotional resilience.
The Power of Reflection and Positive Reinforcement
Another key shift was integrating reflective practice into M’s daily life. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, we started looking at what went right.
What did he handle well today?
How did he adapt to a difficult situation?
What can he learn from this experience?
This shift from criticism to reflection is supported by research into growth mindset theory—which shows that children who recognise their own progress, rather than fixate on failures, are more likely to persevere and develop resilience.
Creating ForMi: A Tool for Families Like Ours
Through my professional life, I was lucky enough to join a team (‘company”) who provided a digital tool that is being used in services like social care and education. I saw its potential to be adapted for families like mine—families who needed a way to bring together the people supporting their child in a way that was truly person-centred.
That’s how ForMi was born.
For the past 15 months, we’ve been using it with M and other young people, and the impact has been transformational. M no longer calls himself “stupid.” He can see his own progress, track his achievements, and set goals that matter to him. His confidence has grown, and so has his sense of belonging.
ForMi isn’t just about an app—it’s about connection, empowerment, and celebrating progress on a child’s own terms. It’s designed for individuals navigating education, career choices, health and well-being, and personal growth. It also allows families to work together, ensuring that everyone is aligned in providing meaningful support.
Moving Forward—Together
If you’re a parent who has felt the frustration of systems that don’t quite fit your child, you’re not alone. There’s a better way—one that prioritises strengths, connection, and genuine progress.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and ideas. If you’re interested in piloting this approach or simply want to share your journey, let’s connect. Together, we can build a community where our children are seen for who they truly are—and celebrated for everything they can be.
At Well Nuts - Parents, we are creating a supportive and inclusive space for parents facing unique challenges—whether you're parenting a child with additional needs, disabilities, or navigating mental health struggles. Our goal is to offer a positive environment where you can connect with others, share experiences, and find inspiration and encouragement.
If you are someone who thrives on criticism or judgment, this space is not for you. We invite those who are here to support, uplift, and share kindness to join us. Please respect this space and move on if you're not aligned with these values
