Helping Your Child Build Self-Advocacy Skills:

Learning to Speak Up in Their Own Way

One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the ability to advocate for themselves—to help them express who they are, what they need, and how they experience the world. But for many children with additional needs, this isn’t always easy.

Some struggle to find the words. Others fear judgment or rejection. And sometimes, as parents, we step in so often to protect and explain that they don’t get the chance to do it for themselves.

My son, has been on his own journey with self-advocacy. One experience that really stood out was when he reacted differently during a football match, and his teammates started discussing it on WhatsApp. It could have escalated quickly, but thanks to supportive parents stepping in, the situation was resolved. Still, my son wanted to do more than just move on—he wanted to help people understand him.

He decided to write something that he could share when he felt it was needed. We recorded his thoughts, and I helped him pull them together into a written piece. These are his words—his way of advocating for himself.

“I’m Still Just Me” – A Message from my son to his football team mates

You probably know me as the lad who loves football, cricket, and can be a bit crazy. But I wanted to tell you something about me that I don’t tell many people.

You see, most of the time, I don’t mean to be loud or say or do things that might sound a bit nuts, but it happens because my brain is different to yours.

What makes it harder for everyone is that this is something you can’t see. Like when you see someone in a wheelchair, you wouldn’t expect them to run because you’d understand they can’t. So, this message is like my wheelchair…

My brain means that some of the day-to-day things you do without thinking about are hard for me. So, when I get things wrong, it’s not because I don’t care or I’m an idiot (but I can feel like one)—it’s just because my brain is having a blip.

It will also cause me to misunderstand things—like if someone’s joking, I might think they’re being mean. I will overreact, especially if I feel angry or scared. I find it hard to concentrate and focus.

I don’t want you to feel like you have to treat me like a baby or anything. But if you want to help:

• Please don’t hold it against me when I react differently or badly.

• Help me feel calm—this means I don’t react as much.

• Try not to distract me—my brain does enough of this on its own!

And if you ever see me struggling, just remember: I’m not being difficult… I’m having difficulties.

Why This Matters: Encouraging Children to Advocate for Themselves

My son’s message wasn’t about asking for special treatment. It was about helping others understand him on his terms. And that’s what self-advocacy is—having the confidence to share your needs, your challenges, and your strengths with the people around you.

So, how can we support our children in developing this skill? Here are a few things I’ve learned:

1. Help Them Understand Their Own Needs

Children need to first understand themselves before they can explain to others. This means having open, honest conversations about how their brain works, what helps them thrive, and what makes things harder.

Ask questions like:

• When do you feel most comfortable and confident?

• What situations make things difficult for you?

• What do you wish people knew about you?

2. Give Them the Words (But Let Them Own Them)

Mu sonn borrowed some explanations he had heard us use before—but the words were his. That’s key. It’s okay to help our children find ways to express themselves, but ultimately, self-advocacy has to feel authentic to them.

Encourage them to describe their needs in ways that make sense to them. It could be through:

• Writing a letter or note to teachers or friends

• Creating a video or voice recording

• Practicing a short explanation they can use when needed

3. Let Them Choose When and How to Share

Self-advocacy isn’t about forcing kids to explain themselves at every opportunity. It’s about empowering them to share when they feel ready and comfortable.

My son doesn’t hand out his message to everyone he meets—but he has it when he needs it. And that’s enough.

4. Model Advocacy in Everyday Life

Our children learn by watching us. If they see us advocating for them respectfully and effectively, they’ll begin to pick up those skills themselves.

When you speak up for your child—whether at school, with doctors, or in social situations—explain why you’re doing it. Show them how to express needs confidently and calmly.

Final Thoughts: Self-Advocacy is a Journey

Self-advocacy doesn’t happen overnight. It’s something that builds over time with practice, support, and encouragement.

My son took a huge step in writing his message. It gave him a way to communicate on his own terms, rather than waiting for someone else to explain him. And that’s what I want for all children—to feel confident in sharing who they are, without fear or shame.

If your child is on this journey too, remember:

• They don’t have to have all the answers right away.

• They get to decide when and how to share.

• Their voice matters—help them find it, but let them own it.

I’d love to hear from other parents—how have you helped your child advocate for themselves? Let’s share our experiences and support each other on this path.