Parenting: It’s a Risky Business
I’ve been thinking a lot about risk lately—how we perceive it as parents and how that shapes our children’s development. A few days after Mother’s Day, I found myself reflecting not only on the day itself, but also on the contrast between my own childhood and the world my children are growing up in.
Back in the 80s and 90s, we left the house in the morning, maybe with 10p in our pocket and instructions to be home by the time the streetlights came on. Today? Our children’s movements are tracked, their bank and coffee cards are topped up from apps, and their plans are sorted before they leave the house. We’ve moved from the freedom of grazed knees and tarmac playgrounds (thank goodness, as I still have the scars!) to something far more… supervised.
Don’t get me wrong—there’s been a lot of positive progress. Safer environments, greater awareness of mental health, and better communication tools. But I can’t help asking: Has our increasing risk aversion gone too far?
The Role of Risk in Child Development
There’s growing evidence that children need opportunities for positive risk-taking—those age-appropriate moments of uncertainty that build resilience, confidence, and decision-making skills.
A 2021 review published in International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health found that “children’s risky play is associated with increased physical activity, social competence, and reduced anxiety.” Restricting these experiences may actually contribute to rising levels of childhood anxiety .
Outdoor Play Canada even describes risk-taking as essential, noting that without the opportunity to experience manageable fear, children can struggle to handle real-world uncertainty .
In scandinavian countries they actually invest significant resources into pre school, risk taking activities for girls to try and correct the gender bias which is also associated with this subject.
Tech: Protector or Problem?
Like many families, we use technology to manage risk—but it’s a double-edged sword. We’ve made the decision to limit our son’s access to devices and media. This includes no games consoles, restricted phone usage, and no internet browsing. Not because we’re against tech, but because we know that impulsivity, limited understanding of context, and a curious brain can be a dangerous mix.
Still, I wonder: Are we setting him up for long-term success or storing up issues for later?
I recently spoke with a psychotherapist about our concerns. He acknowledged our approach, and highlighted the realities of early exposure to online sexual content (very scary).But he also warned against creating a taboo. His suggestion? If you limit access to certain topics, you must normalise them within the family—create space for open, shame-free conversations. He also advocated our approach of watch programmes with sexual content together as a family. Whilst this can be a little uncomfortable at points, it does help encourage conversations that develop understanding and perception.
We’ve started small and at an age / development appropraite level for our children—watching Friends as a family, using its (surprisingly frequent) sexual references as teaching or just normalising moments. Shows like Heartstopper, Ted Lasso, and eventually Sex Education are also on our list as tools for opening up these conversations.
Reclaiming Positive Risk
The term “positive risk-taking” first appeared in my life while working with people with learning disabilities. It’s about enabling people to take risks—but in a thoughtful, supported way. Not removing all danger, but teaching strategies to manage it.
This is the model I want to apply as a parent.
It reminds me of my own teenage adventures—catching the train with friends to a shopping centre an hour away. If a train got cancelled, we had to figure it out. Ask for help. Work out how a timetable worked. If you were really desperate, find a payphone and reverse the charges. Those moments were full of learning.
Now, I can pay for my kids’ train tickets, track their journey, and be the first person they call when something goes (even slightly) wrong. But should I be?
The real question is: When does support become interference?
I want to be their coach, not their fixer—the person who helps them build skills and resilience, not the one who solves everything for them. That’s a balance I’m still trying to figure out.
Final Thoughts
Parenting today often feels like walking a tightrope. We want to protect our children, but also prepare them. We want to control the environment so they can succeed, but we also need to help them fail—safely—and learn from it.
I don’t have all the answers. But I do know that the skill of navigating life—with all its risks, rewards, setbacks, and triumphs—is one of the most important things we can offer our children.
So maybe the real risk is not letting them try.
Sources
Brussoni, M. et al. (2021). Risky play and children’s mental health: A review of the literature. Int. J. Environ. Res. Public Health. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7880968/
Outdoor Play Canada. (2024). Why children need risk, fear, and excitement in play. https://www.outdoorplaycanada.ca/2024/03/22/why-children-need-risk-fear-and-excitement-in-play/
